Letters to Elijah: My love may not be enough

Letters to Elijah: My love may not be enough

Found this on my notepad yesterday as I about to reset my phone back to its original settings. Though I can’t remember the date I wrote this, the feelings I had that time still linger to my skin. The reasons for those feelings are better to be left unspoken.

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Dearest Elijah,

I want to love you immensely, that you will not need love from anybody else, but I couldn’t.
Even if I pour all the love I can give to you, it will not be enough. Why? Because I may be the world to you for now, but it will not always stay that way. Sooner or later, you will need to walk out of our house; meet other people, make acquaintances, and build friendships. Sooner or later you will realize that the world does not revolve only around Mommy and Daddy; that there is a wider unit of the society than our basic.

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You will learn that in life, love is inevitable. It can make you or it may break you. You need to learn and feel how to love, and to be loved back; In the same way that you need to learn how to love without expecting love in return. Not everyone will like or love you, not everyone will care about you. People, friends, acquaintances come and go. They may leave you lessons and memories, but most of them can’t stay in your life forever. The good news is, there will always be some who will give you the love you deserve. There will always be someone like me and Daddy, your ‘constants’, who will love you no matter what.

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Since you are only two and can barely survive this world without parental guidance, let me love you in the ways that I can, in the immeasurable quantity I can give. Let me take care of you while you still see me as your universe. Let me return your random kisses every day, hug you so tight as you cling to me.  Let me be your first love, your bestfriend. Let me be a mother to you.

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As much as I would like to protect you from the harsh reality of life, there are things that are out of my control. Though I am hoping that this love I have for you will be more than enough, I know it may not be.

Let me add more prayers that when you grow up, you may have a good foundation of love within yourself and at the same time, may have an overflowing love to share for others.

I will always and forever love you,

Mommy

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