Dominance in Marriage

According to a DISC personality test I just took few days ago, I scored comparatively high in dominance.I pasted the results of this test below, indicating some of the traits and behaviors that usually describe people who scored high in this aspect. When I saw these results, I immediately thought about my marriage, and how these might affect my relationship with my husband. Because, honestly, even in marriage, I tend to be dominant. And being so has its own advantages and disadvantages.

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Dominance

(Comparatively High)

  • enjoy competition and challenge.
  • are goal orientated and want to be recognized for their efforts.
  • aim high, want authority and are generally resourceful and adaptable.
  • are usually self-sufficient and individualistic.
  • they tend to be impatient and dissatisfied with minor detail.

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So let us relate these results to my married life:

Enjoy competition and challenge. This one is definitely not applicable to my married life perspective. First of all, I do not want a competition between me and my husband. The goal in marriage is to think and act together. There’s no point of proving who’s better than the other. You are one in the eyes of God, therefore, you should act as one. I do not enjoy challenges as well, but honestly in life, we need them. Challenges make us stronger. And by facing challenges together, our marriage becomes stronger as well.

Goal orientated and want to be recognized for their efforts. Who does not want to be recognized for their efforts especially in marriage?  I actually do not need a recognition, I only need the affirmation from my husband that I am doing a good job. Whether it may be a simple gesture of saying that the food I cooked tastes good, or commending that I am making a good parenting decision. Marriage is an everyday effort. If you want to stay married, exert huge effort to let your partner feel that he is loved. A daily commitment is a must. You cannot just love, marriage needs actions from love. And most of the time, an affirmation or a simple acknowledgement is greatly appreciated. Goal-oriented, yes I am. I usually share all of my short-term and long-term goals to my husband. I want him to know my goals so he can help me attain them. I may be dominant at times, but sometimes, you need to have the initiative to make things happen.  

Aim high, want authority and are generally resourceful and adaptable. Being married, you should always have equal authority on each other. But once you become a parent, it is already a different matter. Now that we have a child, the hierarchy of authority should be clear at home. I intend to have the highest. Yes, I am claiming it. Because I am THE MOM. But I think is it wise that we both be the leaders of the house. Because my husband is good at making certain decisions, and I am good at another. 

Usually self-sufficient and individualistic. When I am still single, I can say that I was self-sufficient. I always tell myself that I can take care of my own. Many of my friends can attest to it. But when it comes to marriage, you will always need each other. And as the time goes by, you will be more dependent on each other, and you will most likely declare that you cannot live without the other. Honestly, once my husband and I have a heated argument, I unexpectedly told him that I can do things on my own and I do not need him anymore. But after I uttered those words, I felt so guilty. It is because I honestly cannot imagine my life without him. He is my life. And imagining him out of the picture is too heartbreaking. I am always sorry for the times I said those stupid sentences. I am trying my best to not say anything when I am too pissed or angry. 

Tend to be impatient and dissatisfied with minor detail.  Okay, dear self, stop being impatient. This is one of disadvantages of being dominant. Most of the time, I become angry because of a very simple matter. But I am working very hard to avoid nagging. There are a lot of things that can cause arguments between husband and wife, and I do not want our marriage to be broken by just the reason that my husband forgot to arrange the chairs back after dinner. I also do not want our marriage to end because of not putting back the dipper on its place every after use. I told you, marriage is an everyday effort. Try to fulfill your duties and avoid the trouble. 

They say when you commit your life to a person, you do not have to change for that person because that person will love you no matter what. I say, if you commit to your partner, and agreed to spend the rest of your life with him, try to change for the better. It will always be a good idea to compromise.

 

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