Originally written last September 25, 2016
For quite some time, I have been thinking of writing about my husband and I’s first official date. But I’ve been captivated by the story of Harvey Specter and Mike Ross for about five days now, and all of my spare time has been consumed by them. So here I am, just expressing my heart out while I travel, seated at a middle seat in the MRT, trying to think of a good introduction for this blog post. But I guess, I am not a creative thinker today, so I opted to start with these words. Plain and simple.
I want to share with you some of the reasons why my husband and I made it through the early years of our bumpy-yet-beautiful marriage, while looking back to how, where and when it all officially started, a dinner date, four years ago.
“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” – Aristotle
Given that my husband was the one who invited me for a date, I thought he would be at our meeting place on time. But he showed up thirty minutes late with a reason that he had to see someone important on his way to the location. Few years after, I found out that the real reason behind this punctuality issue is that he needed to meet the seller of a PS3 game that the badly wants. (Of course, game is more important than love life! Haha)
Looking back, if not for my patience, our date should have been cancelled. I could not have wait for him for another minute. Actually, I was already thinking of going home that time.
God’s plan. Yes, it was. Because He asked me to wait. It was all His plan.
But by giving credit where credit is due; it is because of my husband’s patience that enabled us to survive the rocky road of early marriage. My husband has always been very patient with me and I am so thankful that he is.
Patience is an essential key for a happy marriage. As you get used to each other, time will come your partner may reveal some traits that may test your patience. Absence of which might cause misunderstandings, which can pile up and might ruin the relationship.
According to William Feather, “Whether it is marriage of business, patience is the first rule of success.” So be patient when your husband farts inside the bedroom. Instead of shouting at him, open the windows for fresh air. Haha
“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ― Elbert Hubbard
He ordered a lot of food on that first date. I initially thought, I was going to pay for half so I did not bother to order much. Haha. Luckily, he paid for all of it. Just so you know, I have this mentality that even you are in a relationship, all expenses should be divided by two, I just want to be always fair.
I was so shy to reveal my true appetite back then since I need to be prim and proper, at least on our first personal conversation. But my husband ate everything until to the very last chip of fried garlic, saying that their mom always remind them to finish everything on their plate. I actually thought that maybe he was just too hungry that time. Kidding aside, I realized that he was already showing his true self.
It was actually by the way he started the conversation and answered my questions without hesitations that made me realize, I am talking to a real guy. The way he showed respect by keeping a safe distance all throughout our date made me think that he is not only real, he is a real gentleman. These may not be the known reasons why I said yes to have our first date, but they were the reasons why agreed to have a second.
I am learning new things about my husband every day. Honestly, I think that there are still too much to discover.But what I love about him is that he’s too open to share and too generous to explain. I have been loving and accepting every detail of him ever since.
“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.” ― André Gide
My husband usually jokes about my make-up during our first date. He said I have too much foundation on my face. He said that it is my simplicity that he liked and I look completely fine without make-up. (Of course, it was our first date, I should make a good impression.) Then I realized that he was right. Even though first impression matters, covering-up or pretending of someone’s you are not is not attractive as it seems.
Same goes with marriage, being true to oneself and to each other are equivalently significant. Being transparent with each other builds a strong foundation especially when the roots are found in love. Nobody’s perfect. We all have flaws, we all commit mistakes and all of us have weaknesses. But it is only when you are fully known that you will be fully loved.
In dealing with marital issues, covering-up a mistake is a no-no. It is always better to tell your partner the truth, even though it hurts. Always give an opportunity for your partner to explain. Listen carefully. Accept wholeheartedly. Love again.
“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
― A.A. Milne,
As I’ve shared earlier, my husband had been virtually around since I was seventeen. But are you wondering why is it only after five years that I have agreed to have a date with him? Because it was always either a wrong timing, or I am not ready yet to commit again. So after five years of acquaintance, the first yes I said to him is for a dinner date, 25th September 2012, Marina Bay Sands.
I really meant that first yes, and the succeeding affirmations I committed to him after that.
In marriage, it is very important to say yes only when you mean it. I am one guilty wife. I fail to do this most of the time but I am trying. (You know us ladies, we usually say yes to our partner but most of the time, it means the opposite.) However, I am hoping that by this time, my husband already knows how to interpret my answers. HAHA
Submission to your partner is also fundamental to a happy marriage. It is not always about authority. Sometimes, it shows respect and obedience.But also remember that you are a thinking human being. Always think and analyze before giving an answer to avoid dealing with unwanted consequences. Have a discussion with your partner whenever there is a disagreement. Consider each other’s opinion and decide together, as Robert Dodd said, “The goal of marriage is not to think alike, but to think together. ”
“Sometimes it’s a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.” ― David Byrne
You may experienced many ‘first’ dates in your life, but there are really some worth remembering. And that date we had on 25th of September 2012 is on the top of my list.
Regardless of the place, it is really each other’s presence that makes every date memorable. In this generation of ours, where technology coexists with relationships, always remember to have time for physical affection. Yes, Facebook can connect people, but relationships founded personally are the ones that survive the odds. Be present at every date, be there not only physically, but also emotionally.
After all, you’ll never know where that first date will lead you… In my case, that first date led to a beautiful marriage.